Band & Club TIP of the YEAR!

Did you lose your Mo Jo? Whether you're a Band, Solo act or even a venue, Mo Jo can be lost! Let me clear things up a bit here. This morning I received an interesting and eye opening e-mail. The letter, in a nutshell basically says, “ Joe, I don't know what's going on but the interest in Original music within 100 miles of Philadelphia seems to be dwindling rapidly! Have any ideas to boost interest a draw?”

Then it hit me on the head like a Honda Sub-woofer. I.B.I.M.W., 100 miles north of Philadelphia is noticing the same trend! Could it be the weather? Or how about the Holidays? Maybe the $1 Busch Lights at Big Jockz Sports Bar is killing the Indie scene? Nope! It's way too easy to place blame than admitted fault. Lets think back -- remember that BIG SHOW you were going to play? Now remember this applies to both Band & Venue. Remember how you made fliers and told every single one of your friends to come to the show? Remember how you and your recruited friends posted fliers everywhere in town? How about all those MySpace bulletins with cool fliers and pretty graphics? Oh, is it getting clearer now? Whether you're a Band or Venue you can't ever get so popular that you simply don't need to market yourself as much as you used to. I'm guilty of this. And the thing the sucks is I do it time and time again. I get a few kick ass shows then I think I.B.I.M.W. is the next CBGBs. So then I get lazy and think if I book it they will come! That couldn't be further from the truth! Treat every show as it was your first. Too hard you think? Every time you fail to market / sell yourself you're going backwards in popularity. People have very short memories and if not reminded frequently, your shows will end up at DJ Suxz 80's Dance party. Bottom Line -- the Music Business is VERY VERY tough, there isn't time to sit on our behinds, well, not till we make that 4 million dollars at least!!!

Market yourself ALL the time!!

I Hate ASCAP

I Hate ASCAP (American Society of Composers, Authors and Publishers ) and let me tell you why. Today ASCAP sent me hate mail trying to shake me down for past due fees of $326.59 for horse shit cover music we don't play. So I called them to bitch about it and was told I need to provide them will a set list to prove to them I don't have any cover bands here!! So, I said what if I told you I didn't have any music at all, would a blank list be appropriate? The music mafia operator laughed at me and said, “We know you have music there!” So, these Big Music A-holes basically bill people unless you prove to them first you don't have cover music, Isn't that a racket and a half?

Now I know some of you think I may be over reacting and that ASCAP is a swell organization that's all about helping bands. This is another reason I wish ASCAP would go to China with the rest of the Commies. ASCAP screws bands on a daily basis, just take a look here:

http://www.ascapsukz.com/ Take the band “Stifff Kitties” for example, Three Air Platinum Awards, Three million air plays. Guess how much royalties ASCAP paid them?

ZERO! Would be the correct amount!

So now I have to write these leeches a letter telling them to sue me or something along those lines. Then they're going to send some BS music spy here during a show that dresses like Opie Taylor and thinking nobody notices him. He'll hang out and see who signed my guitars hoping to find a cover band signature while he drinks water.

I swear if I catch one of these spying leech cover lovers I'll straight paparazzi he ass all over the Internet so everyone could see what a Big Money Corporate bitch looks like.

Ok now I feel better

Echoes of Cover Music

With a growing number of Original Music bands in the NEPA live music scene, five musicians from Noxen, PA have risen to fill the cover band void. They joined forces in 2003 to form Echoes of Cover Music - NEPAs Most Unoriginal Cover Band. Their devotion to the music that other people wrote and played has resulted in countless hours spent unsuccessfully trying to recreate the live experience of legendary rock bands.

Echoes of Cover Music is not the only group inspired enough to do this kind of musical project. What does set them apart is the amazing lack of talent and skill with which they perform the music. Guitar intonations, unnecessary drum fills, annoying vocals , Radio Shack keyboards, cross-dressing backup singers, and retarded sound effects. All of these are intensely studied and rehearsed in order to bring the listener something completely different from what they came to hear. Even the most hard core Cover Band fanatics are blown away by the total lack musicianship!

Every time Echoes of Cover Music takes the stage, they are ignored by people there for the $1 Lions Head Beer. This is an issue they take lightly because as long as they look cool to their tone deaf girlfriends it really doesn't matter! Echoes of Cover Music shows you why you shouldn't quit your day job if you play in a cover band..

(THIS IS A PARODY / JOKE )

Joe

So how about that Hip Hop scene?

I have a news flash for those living 5 years ago and I can't hold back any longer but, I really need to point out that the Hip-Hop & Hip Hop DJ's as a “Program” sucks. The Hip Hop & Hip Hop DJ gig that so many have loved (why I can't tell you) for so long has begun a rapid decay to its death. It's commercial peak is now a thing of the past. To prove that, take note that the Postal Service just issued a commemorative hip-hop stamp. You know that once your ass is on a stamp your value in the underground scene is completely history.

Just like Roller Blades MC Hammer, and Disco hip hip is (finally) going to leave us in peace. So all my yesteryear living friends don't fret... There will always be VFW's and Church picnics to carry on the lure of Hip Hop.

Why do I hate cover clubs you may ask?

Interesting weekend friends... In an effort to track down new talent my brother and I hit the road to check out some local & not so local shows. What we found was rather disturbing. We did find a "few" good original bands but most were cheesy cover bands beating Breaking Ben, Blink 182, and Creed to death. At one point, after 6 or so cover songs I began to shake and twitch as if I was going through alcohol withdrawal. During this barrage of Top-40 turmoil I began to scan around the club to see who really likes this junk. I noticed I was surrounded by drywall hangers donned in Baseball caps & camouflage shorts. Right then I new I wasn't in Kansas anymore. To even horrify me even further I noticed the band on stage was dressed the same!!! What about the chicks you might ask??? Well, I did see a dozen or so that were rather focused on their triple wing orders while sporting their newest fashion of NEPA sweat pants.

To get to the point. It seems that most clubs / bars are filled with cover bands and cover fans. The funny thing that occurred to me is that cover music attracts (2) specific type of people. (1) The people that treat music as nothing more than background noise. I'm sure that if I got on stage and played a cover for these people and swapped out the lyrics with profanities they wouldn't even notice. Basically they don't know or care about music. (2) The people that LOVE covers. The people that only listen to music they've already heard. These are the guys that get drunk and yell FREEBIRD or ask the band if they know any Bob Seager. (I AM NOT JOKING)

So we hopped into the car and headed out of the valley to an Irish pub. We dig all kinds of music so why not. We had a bite to eat while the 2 man folk band played. I thought wow, these guys are pretty good! Then it happened... They did a change up to Beatle songs followed by Simon and Garfunkle!! This was the last straw. There's nothing I detest more than Simon & Garfunkle. Unfortunately, I gave them my business card prior to the intonations of the 60's. I can only hope they didn't empty their pockets before doing laundry.

Bottom line, keep it ORIGINAL people!! Those of you that won't please stay where you are.

See me on myspace!

-JOE


P.S. No disrespect to drywall hangers :-)

Curse of the 13 Year Old Girl (repost from my old blog)

As far as I can tell this is the only REAL curse known to man. So, what is this so-called curse? Well, the Curse of the 13 Year Old Girl affects Musicians, Bands, and even TV shows. The Curse sets in when the majority of your fans are 13 year old girls. You may think this isn't a big deal since fans are fans right? Wrong! Keep in mind that 13 year old girls have very very short attention spans. One minute they love you with all their heart, the next they deny ever listening to your music. To make matters worse, any adult that realizes most of your fans are 13 year old girls will quickly deny liking your music and toss your CD's in the trash to avoid ridicule from friends. Here's a few of many acts that suffered from this curse: The Backstreet Boys, The Hanson's, The Spice Girls, and Donny Osmond. The Curse can make you money as it did with these people but rest assured it WILL make your music career very short and no one will ever take you or your music serious again. Really would you take a few song writing tips from the Spice Girls?

So how can a band avoid such a Curse? Well, the first thing is to be very careful which venues you select to play at. To play a gig for the local 7^th grade prom may be a great money maker but do you really want to toss your musical career in the trash before it begins? If you're doing bookings for your band avoid The Chucky-Cheese type venues or your career will suffer the Curse of the 13 year Old Girl. So in the future, if you find yourself on stage with a bunch of Kiddies with their Mommies avoid eye contact and pack your gear up and run.

Time to move on

Spending 6 days a week at the Music Venue I.B.I.M.W. I get into conversations about music daily. Lately, I have been becoming very annoyed by people that stopped listening to “New Music” in 1990. You know the type, the guys that can go on for an hour or so on how Super the Rolling Stones were or how cool the .38 Special videos were.

Frankly it pisses me off how these guys act all smug and shit with their prehistoric music knowledge. After all, how musically informed can you be if you can't name a single Rock & Roll album from the last 17 tears?!

You know, I used to like the Stones, Aerosmith, and other such bands. But I have grown to hate them because I hear sooo much about them these days. Move on people, there has been new songs and artists since 1985!!

So, here's short list of bands I refuse to listen to, talk about or watch their videos:

Rolling Stones

Aerosmith

Bob Seager

The Beatles

The Who – (I really can't stand these guys)

Toto

Glass Tiger

Van Halen

The Scorpions

Alice Cooper

Boston

Kansas

ELO

REO Speed Wagon

Plus many many more has-beens